When Identity Theft Hurts The Most

Thu, Dec 11, 2008 at 2:14:00 pm PDT

At this point, we are all abundantly cognizant of the dangers associated with giving a waiter or waitress our credit card to purchase a meal out, or making an online purchase without the trusted lock indicating a secure transaction will transpire.  We know better than to distribute our social security or checking account numbers to telemarketers or other strangers.

But how aware are we of the dangers associated with our friends and even family members?

Not very, according to the trusted and well known Council of Better Business Bureaus (an organization dedicated to fostering good relations between businesses and consumers) and Javelin Strategy and Research (a firm dedicated to the study of the financial industry).  They say just under half (47%) of identity fraud is committed by people the victim knows.

The typical initial reaction upon hearing such a fact is shock.  After all, family members and friends are the first people around whom a potential victim should feel more, not less, comfortable.  One is far less likely to log out of a bank account, for example, before attending to other household chores if it’s “only” the neighbor over for coffee or the college student son home for vacation.

And yet it is this very comfort that helps facilitate disaster.

Leaving unattended a webpage detailing one’s business or checking account records or social security information can have devastating consequences whether that information is gleaned from a loved one or total stranger.

Potential victims who take precautions such as logging out of financial accounts or shredding paper documents with sensitive data usually think they are preventing identity theft against strangers.  While that is true, certainly, many times they end up protecting against fraud committed by loved ones.

The financial cost of identity theft is often the first statistic cited when discussing the matter.  And for good reason: the financial and time losses can be astonishing.  The usual expenditures of time and energy associated with rehabilitating one’s financial records are enough to leave one exhausted.  Creating new passwords, calling one’s banks, providing copies of financial statements are all difficult enough.

But the emotional costs associated with acknowledging a loved one has stolen from you are far, far greater.  Many times identity theft victims are unwilling and unable to confront the perpetrator if he or she is considered “close,” and often make excuses.  Such behavior delays the processes of reconstructing, grieving and healing.

Because people victimized by loved ones are uniquely situated, not everyone understands their plight.  They are hurt and conflicted in special, additional ways.  Usually when the criminal is unidentified and far away (emotionally and/or geographically), there exists a mental wall that allows the victim to move on with greater facility.

When the perpetrator is close to (or sometimes in the) home, the situation is markedly different.  Friends who the victim has told about the fraud often react in two diametrically opposite ways.  Some are dismissive of a relative committing the fraud and encourage the victim to simply “let it go,” totally unaware of the devastation the fraud has brought about.  Others, insensitive to the many intricacies associated with human relationships, are even more enraged than they would be of a stranger who had committed the same act and encourage sharper, more aggressive responses when the victim may be unready emotionally.

Finding a middle ground and addressing adequately in legal and emotional terms this special hurt is particularly challenging, but doable.  Support groups, physical as well as electronic, provide a good resource as well.  But nothing works like caution and prevention.  Those who think their close relations would never betray them in such a way should think again.  This specific type of identity theft is shockingly common and far more costly than identity theft perpetrated by a stranger.